Four simple words. Why is saying, “I need your help” so hard?
This is something I’ve always struggled with, so I’ve always done everything myself. Doesn’t sound so bad, Right?
Not having the courage to ask for help has hindered me in so many ways. I just get this sick feeling when I need someone to help me. I put it off and put it off until I have 2 choices: ask for help or hire someone.
Isn’t that crazy? I’d rather pay someone to help me than ask someone I know and love to do me a favour at a discount or even free. I know I’m not the only one that does it! 😛
But WHY is it so difficult to do?
I don’t want to hear that you’re SO independent and resourceful and smart and full of BS that you’ll never NEED anyone’s help because you can do it on your own. Fine, you carry that couch up 3 flights of stairs alone! Enjoy!
There are a few reasons. Exploring Your Mind suggests a few solid reasons. I’m definitely guilty of a few of these and I’m sure you are too! Let’s see why it’s so damn hard.
It’s Considered Weak
Growing up, you may have heard or seen that asking for help shows that you can’t do it yourself rather than the fact that the couch is bigger than you. If it’s not a physical task, it’s not that you’re dumb or lazy, it’s that everyone learns differently, so asking for guidance is not a bad thing at all.
After receiving help and getting over the idea of it being weak, how do you feel? Accomplished? Like you learned something? Like you’re improving maybe? Do you feel lighter?
How do you think the person that helped you feels? Probably pretty chipper because they did a good thing. Don’t you feel that way after helping another person? By asking for help, you made THEM feel good. Neat!
Lack of Confidence
Do you feel like no one will help you, so what’s the point in asking? Or is it hard to get the words out? I totally understand this one. This is what goes through my head….
I just feel like I’m bothering them. It’s really not important anyway. They won’t want to help me out. I’d hate for them to think I’m being lazy or that I can’t do it myself. I don’t want to take someone away from what they’re doing to help me, so I’ll just try to figure it out on my own.
Want to know how I get over that? Just say those 4 words, “I need your help.” Watch how they react. Immediately, you have their attention and they are listening.
Every. Single. Time.
It works on you, doesn’t it? When someone asks for your help, you become totally focused on them, especially when it’s someone that NEVER asks for anything. It’s intrigue, curiosity as well as the inherent need to serve others.
Whatever you’re working on and need help with is IMPORTANT. Don’t ever think you are not worthy of someone wanting to give you a hand just because it may not be important to them. Just because it’s not their thing, doesn’t mean they won’t want to help you; they will want to help you because it is YOUR thing.
I’m absolutely calling you out on this one. Another reason to not ask for help is because you’re avoiding doing that thing altogether. You could be avoiding completing a task for a variety of reasons.
- Too much responsibility
- Fear of it actually working out
- You don’t believe anyone will help you
- Addiction to procrastination
- You are too proud to admit you need help
Do any of these sound like you? Is anyone you know like this?
The bigger question to ask yourself when you come upon these excuses is, “Does it serve me?” Easy answer: it doesn’t.
I’ve mentioned it on Instagram and in my book, but I’ll say it again: These distractions are taking up space in your head and taking you away from more important things. It adds to the many things you already need to do and can lead to overwhelm. Not cool.
Asking someone for help can be a big step for some, but know that all of those excuses are completely internal. When someone asks you for help, do you judge them? Do you think they’re being lazy or selfish? I guarantee you don’t; no one does.
Flip it. What would your reaction be if someone asked you for help on that same thing?
Would you think they are weak or lazy? When someone asked you and you knew it was hard for them to do, would you think they have no confidence or courageous for going for it?
You wouldn’t think negatively of them at all. You’d do a good thing, brag about it a little and think of things they they could do for you in return, probably. All good.
Need help? Ask.
I believe in you!
You got this.
Lisa, Your Bucket List Coach